Well, I’m home! I’m sorry I haven’t posted anything lately, but adjusting has been more difficult than I thought.
It is SO great to be home with my family and friends. Especially since we welcomed Esther Moriah Causey into the family on December 17th! She is so tiny and perfect. She has a head full of black hair, which is weird because Jude was bald until he eventually grew some blond hair. Other than that, my little Essie is basically Jude’s twin. I have been snuggling with Jude, Aiden and now Esther basically nonstop since I got home. Oh, and Maddux and Avery, the two best dogs in the whole world.
But being home has also been a real struggle. I tried to prepare myself as much as I could, but really how much could I do? For starters, jet lag is the real deal. And it kind of puts a damper on everything. I was so happy to see everyone, but I couldn’t really stay awake for anything.
With all the emotions and physical changes, I received some really bad news right when I got home. My grandma wasn’t doing very well. This was really hard to handle. She slipped into a coma a few days before I got home and went home to Jesus a few days after I got back. I was able to call my aunt the night before and she put it on speakerphone so I was able to say goodbye. Although my grandma couldn’t respond, I am positive she could here me. My grandma had been battling Parkinson’s Disease since I was a young girl and she is no longer suffering. As heartbroken as I am, she is able to be free and do the things she loved, like painting, up in the throne room with the King. I know she is finally truly happy.
Transitioning has been hard. There has been so much joy since I’ve been home but also so much sorrow. There are a lot of days that I don’t want to do anything. There are some days when I just need to be out and by myself. There are some days that I need to be surrounded by people. There are some days when I need to do something. And some days I need to do nothing.
A neighbor told me that coming home will come with a time of mourning as I am leaving behind the life I have known and loved for the past year. It’s been difficult at times to put into words what I’ve been feeling. I’m not even sure myself.
I posted the picture below when I first got to Africa. I was listening to the song "We Dance" by Bethel as we stopped and watched the sunset. It was such a sweet moment - one I for sure will never forget. As I look at this picture now and think back on my year, I am so amazed at what God has done. He has done more in me than I could have ever imagined. It was painful and difficult at times, but so worth it. Following Jesus has been such an adventure. I am amazed at who He is. Thank you Jesus for sending me to Badplaas to be Your hands and feet. This picture and what it represents to me is more relevant now than ever. Putting my faith and trust in Him and the beauty that will come out of it. I watched this sunset a few days after I arrived not knowing what the year would hold. And it was the greatest year of my life. And now I'm in the same situation - looking out into the unknown with open hands and an open heart.
If I haven’t seen you yet or haven’t reached out much, it's nothing against you. Please don’t take this personally. I’m still trying to figure out life and where to go from here. Jesus keeps reminding me to lean on Him and He has proven time and time again to be the solid rock on which I stand. He has kept my eyes above the waves when I feel like I’m drowning.
Thank you all for your support throughout this whole year. I ask that you all keep praying for me and give me grace as I continue to transition into life back home. I look forward to where the Lord is going to lead me in this next year and I’m expecting big things!
In Christ,
